turning into my SELF
fighting cynicism
“I can be changed.”
I can be.
90s music
DJ shadow music in a perfect world
Thursday music
Bleak view of comfort and love
Angry view of comfort and love
I’ve got many songs to share. And these songs don’t seem to belong to me. I always feel them deeply but they are not the work of my life.
empathic being seeks trustk
I’ve been weaning off Lexapro for the past 2 weeks. Lexapro stopped my panic attacks and anxiety attacks within a couple of days. But it made me feel a deep sadness and heaviness. My bones felt like lead weights.
I won’t talk about the deep level emotional changes here, but my relationships are changing. I don’t have a great way of describing how, when you change your emotional position in relationships, people balk. Even people you love and who love you.
When you set limits. When you ask for communication.
I even balk. I remember being a soccer ball for others and thinking that was my role.
I’m not a victim. I’m trying to talk about it and figuring out who can. And also when I can.
I love being alive. Even if it’s sometimes subtle and I have to climb out of anything familiar to find it. Trust. I want to trust.
Monday music
I’ve been pulling on a wire, but it just won’t break
I’ve been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound
I resist what I cannot change
And I wanna find what can’t be found
I’m aware of the time we lost
Like a demon in the doorway, waiting to be born
But I’m here all alone, just begging
Pull me close and let me hold you in
Give me the deeper understanding of who I am (me: who we are)
Yeah, I’m moving back again, I’m waiting, yeah
I’m just pulling on a wire, but it just won’t break
I’ve been turning up the dial, but I hear no sound
I resist what I cannot change, own it in your own way
Yeah, I wanna find what can’t be found
farewell sweet boy
this dark image = fear and money used against most ‘others’
revere
feel deep respect or admiration for (something).